Relationships are meant to be fun and passionate. Both parties are meant to enjoy each others company and honor each other fully and completely most or all of the time. Unfortunately many may say this only can exist in our fantasies. Truthfully this can exist if someone has learned all the lessons associated with dysfunctional and codependent relationships.

This post is dedicated to helping those move through dysfunction and who deeply desire the relationship that only seems to be REAL in hollywood movies.

What is a dysfunctional relationship?

When both parties involved in the relationship dishonor each other. This can include the following:

1.) name calling
2.) yelling, lying, cheating
3.) controlling someone
4.) judging the other
5.) using language that involves blame or guilt
6.) physical abuse
7.) playing mind games
8.) invading boundries
9.) ignoring someone
10.) not communicating

The first step out of this dysfunction is to stop blaming our partner for all of our inner pain. They are only mirrors of our inner pain. Like attracts like, we can only be with someone that matches our sense of self worth. We value ourselves, others value us, plain and simple.

For example:

• The person that feels they have an ugly body will seem to attract the partner that calls them fat or unslightly.
• The person that deeply feels they are unintelligent will attract the partner that calls them stupid.
• The person who has trust issues attracts the cheater.

Our partners are reflectors. We change our sense of self worth and the partner will leave, change, or you will leave.
Things can not stay the same, it is impossible. There must always be an energetic match for two people to come together. For in truth there are no victims just perfect matches.

I will give you an example and hopefully guide you to a good understanding of how to improve your relationships.

Let's say Jane and Bob, or Sally and Elizabeth, or Gordon and Jim are in a relationship. You pick the couple.

So one cheats on the other, and now they are at each others throats. They want to blame each other for everything.

                                                                    Stop right there and see the underlying order.

The cheater attracts the person with the trust issues. So in truth, both parties are responsible for creating this tragic event.

To solve this dilemma both parties must mutually agree to heal the part of themselves that attracted this unsatisfactory relationship in the first place. If both parties agree, then there can be a chance for some real progress and the relationship does not have to dissolve. If the blaming game MUST go on, then forget it, the couple is destined for misery, AMEN.

Random question from you: What if the cheater agrees to never do it again?
My answer: Are you that gullible?

You do not need to go to couples therapy, but you may be in need of some assistance to identify the emotional issue that attracts cheaters or the desire to cheat. ONLY then will you see the light at the end of the dysfunctional tunnel.  I can tell you right now, any other attempt you make that tries to blame your partner will not help you. Only if YOU change and heal will you see any real progress in your relationships.

This is also what I do in my clinic, help couples learn to evolve their relationship.

Lindsay Tietz, BSc, HD
Owner Intention to Heal
Homeopathic Medicine Practitioner and Holistic Nutrition Expert
Proudly Serving The Toronto Danforth Area Directly